“Jem!” Clary’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. That wasn’t the response she had expected to hear. “I never would have known. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. His secret is safe with me.” She would keep the secret as she knew that Jace would also keep it. Her lips curled up into a smile. “I’m glad that you had them. They seem like they were good to grow up with.” Well, for the most part. She’d had Simon most of her life, so she knew what it was like to find friends in unexpected places.Clary frowned and shook her head. “It was, but it also wasn’t you. I know you would have stopped it if you could’ve.” She knew he was going to keep wanting to blame himself no matter what she said.
“More would be nice, but I’m not in any rush.” She was willing to wait. There had been one time when she’d worried that she was doing something wrong, that Jace wasn’t going to be interested in her that way. She knew better now. Clary chuckled and was surprised at how much he did understand her. “I’m surprised you would be willing to tolerate it, I’ve noticed you’re rather neat.” She wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up finding him cleaning her room one of these days. Smiling, Clary leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then, she walked over to her dresser, where she pulled out some pajama bottoms. Not caring if he was looking, she slipped out of her jeans and quickly pulled the pajama pants on. Then she slipped out of her shirt, leaving the tank that was on underneath. Clary made a small run and leap for her bed. “Mmm…finally.” She curled up, making sure to leave enough space for Jace as she did. “You better come join me, Mr.” And once he had, she wrapped an arm around him and breathed him in. “This is nice,” Clary murmured. “Peaceful.”
Jace gave a little smile as her reaction. “Every now and then I learn more about him. Mostly I’ve been learning about Will.” He nodded. “I preferred the life with them in retrospect.” he replied. “Yes, life when I was a kid was good, but it had a lot more bad with it.” He shrugged a little, humming. “It’s gonna take time for me to get that right in my head, Clary.” A side effect of the punishments brought down by Valentine when he was young.
“I’m not opposed, I just don’t know how far I’d be able to go.” he explained. He arched a brow at her comment and chuckled. “I heard a mundane one time say that opposites attract? I think it applies in most relationships I’ve seen lately.” He closed the door and watched her change, moving to take his jeans and shirt off and walking over to lay in the bed next to her. He closed his eyes, relaxing and kissing her head, hiding his face in her hair as he let her warmth sink in. “We haven’t had peaceful in a while.” he mused softly, and arm holding her close.
“Really? Is it something that I’m allowed to know?” Clary was curious about the Silent Brothers. It also seemed like no one really knew much about them except for themselves. They were like a secret society within the Shadow world. “Thank you.” She smiled up at him, pleased that he was willing to try at being honest. She nodded in understanding. “If they get too bad, I’ll be there for you. Even if it’s for something as simple as holding your hand.” She chucked at the image of that in her head. “Both of you would have refused. It sounds like the three of you had a good time together either way.” They were a family unit that she could easily admire. “I’m okay,” Clary insisted. “Simon got me to Magnus in time. I healed. I’m all better now. You don’t have to worry about that. It wasn’t you.”
“Alec would probably tell you otherwise, but okay.” She stood and leaned into this touch, this time she moved her own hand up his arm and rested her hand against his. “I love you too. You have no idea how glad we found our way back to each other again.” Then she leaned in and kissed him so softly that had she not known they were supposed to be going to bed, she would have tried to deepen it. She did step back though and curled her fingers around his as she guided him toward her bedroom. “We have a lot of cuddle time to make up for,” she told him with a small grin. And maybe more than that if Jace would ever be up for it, but she knew that he wanted to take things slow so she wouldn’t pressure him into much more. Once they were in her bedroom, Clary let go of her hand and shut the door behind them. “I’m sorry my little art area is a little messy. With all of the missions we’ve been going on, I haven’t had much time to clean up.”
Jace gave her a small smile. “It was Jem. Turns out he and my ancestor Will were parabatai.” he explained. “But it’s important that not a lot of people know. He’s been Brother Zacariah for a long time now, so I promised him that his secret was safe.” he explained. “I know you will be. It means a lot, and I promise I tell you if it happens.” His lips curled up and he leaned to kiss her forehead. “We did. Alec and Izzy were my first real friends…probably my only real friends, honestly.” HE shrugged before his eyes flickered gold for a second, hating the thought that he’d been forced into almost killing her. “Doesn’t change the fact that it was my body that hurt you.” That’s where he was having trouble; removing the blame from himself. It was a slow process, and deep down he knew he hadn’t been in control, bu it bothered him regardless.
He rolled his eyes at the comment, shaking his head. “He doesn’t finish all of his all the time, either. Even if he wants to.” he assured. Her words made him smile and he kissed back gently, holding her hand as he listened to her. “We do. Cuddles and maybe more in time.” HE wasn’t sure how far he could go with his torture still so close to his mind. Walking in behind her, he shook his head. “It doesn’t have to be spotless. You’re an artist, Clary. Sometimes it’s messy, and that’s part of who you are.” He explained as he moved to close the door and undress. “As long as I an hold you, the room is fine. I promise.”
Clary hummed as she leaned back against him. His fingers in her hair feltso good and she never wanted him to stop. “I wash it every day,” she commented. “Well, almost every day. Sometimes we’re so busy that I can’t wash it. And the conditioner helps with the softening. If I didn’t use it, it’d probably be all frizzy and not at all easy for you to run your fingers through.” She wondered if she could ask him to do this more often, so she did. “You should do that more often. It feels nice. Nicer than a head massage. Well, almost nicer than that. I should give you a head massage after this.” Clary didn’t realize that she was rambling, but she was tired and sometimes she rambled when she was tired. Speaking of tired, Clary let out a yawn and snuggled more against him. “If I fall asleep, I’m sorry, but it’s been a long day and your hands in my hair is doing things to me.”
Jace gave a soft smile as he listened to Clary ramble on. He laughed softly and leaned over to kiss her. “I don’t mind if you fall asleep. I can adjust you so we can sleep.” he assured. “We had a long day, and honestly, I think all of us have earned at least a few days of vacation.” He mused, thinking about all the hell they’d gone through with Simon losing his memories and finally killing Jonathan. “So we can totally sleep in a day or two. It won’t kill us.”
“You promise?” she asked, lifting her eyes to look at his face. “I wish I knew how to do that. Because right now, it’s all I can do to not think about them.”
“…I know it doesn’t seem like it, right now. But I promise, Clary, it will get better. I just takes time. Believe me, I know.” he said, his voice quiet as he lifted a hand to run it through red waves. “When they wake you up, if you aren’t with me, come find me. Focus on the fact that we’re alive, and we’re together. It might help.”
Clary had been and still was rather worried about him. It was a miracle that the Silent Brothers had been able to help him so much. Magnus too. Though she’d given him a stern talking to when that potion had made him sleep for days. Magnus had assured her that it was his body’s way of catching up on sleep combined with the potion and once he was up, she had seen that it had worked well. “Good. The less people who know the better. You’ve already had a tough enough time dealing with how people treated you before. You don’t need to go through that again. And I’m glad that you’re feeling better. You’ll tell me if you’re not okay from now on, right?” She hoped that they would be honest with each other more often.
A chuckle escaped her mouth and she said, “You know, I’m surprised she’d not had you learn how to do your nails and hair too.” She wondered what it would have eben like to grow up with brothers around like Izzy had, but then she’d had Simon for awhile and that was an enough of an understanding for her. “Of course you’re right. The massage is perfect. Thank you. I didn’t expect to get this special treatment today.” At the mention of sleep, Clary sighed and said, “I suppose I could do with some sleep. Alec can’t get too upset with me for not completely finishing these papers since he’d been at Magnus’s a lot lately.” The two were practically living together at this point since Alec’s recovery. “Maybe I can attempt to give you a massage? And do you think you’d like to stay in my room with me tonight?”
Jace listened to her and nodded. “Yeah. It helps that Brother Zacariah knew my ancestor,” he replied. “I found out his name today. Like…his name before he became a Silent Brother.” He mused, leaning to kiss her head. “I will, Clary, I promise.” he swore. He’d already lost so much time with her as it was, he didn’t want to lie to her anymore. “The majority of it is controlling the nightmares, but it’s getting easier.” He ran a hand through fiery locks, glad that she was relaxing.
He shrugged. “She tried once. Alec’s hair never liked to cooperate, and I refused after the time she gave me a bad haircut.” he laughed softly. “Luckily, we never had to deal with the nail part.” He shrugged. “I’m not the only one dealing with the aftermath of all this, Clary. And after…after the Owl tried to kill you…” He went quiet for a moment before he looked at the papers and shook his head. “No one finished their full load of paperwork in one night, Clary. That’s just normal.” he replied, reaching to take her hand. “I think a night together would do us both some good. It would be nice to hold you all night.” he smiled at her, moving to pull her up into his arms, one hand cupping her cheek. “I love you.”
“I know the feeling,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair. She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Yeah. I wish I knew how to make them stop.”
Jace wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head. “It’s going to take time, but eventually they won’t be as numerous.” he answered honestly. “We just have to do our best to get through until they don’t happen as often.” His voice was quiet, resigned, having gone through this as a child, too, though for different reasons.”
When Clary felt hands on her shoulders, her first reaction was to tense until she felt the soothing feeling of a massage. Jace, she thought as she felt her body relax. Tilting her head up, she saw blonde hair and brilliant dual colored eyes that she loved so much. “Hey,” she said with a smile. “I thought that you were training.” He didn’t look like he’d been training. Perhaps he’d just cleaned up really quickly.
She let out a sigh and leaned her head forward and closed her eyes. Now that was the spot. “Right there,” Clary said. “That’s perfect. Who knew you could give such a massage. Is that part of your training?” There was some teasing in her voice, but she was curious. If Jace had learned to do that, maybe she could too so that she could repay the favor.
Jace smiled down at her as she looked up. “Hey,” he said, smiling. “Not so much training as talking to Brother Zacariah.” he replied. “Not letting anyone get wind that I’m recovering from a possession.” he said low enough only she could hear him. “It’s getting a lot better, though, I promise.” Mostly it was thanks to Magnus and a very potent potion that allowed him to sleep decently, although he’d scared his siblings and Clary when he hadn’t woken for four days when he’d first taken it. Feeling her relax, he found his own tension fading. They were fine now, but he still felt bad for what he’d done, for what he’d been forced to do.
He laughed and shook his head. “No, let’s just say Izzy was adamant some learn to give her a massage, and so I learned her pressure points. You’re not much smaller than her, so I figured that just a little adjustment to adapt would work fine. Glad my theory was right.” He kissed her temple gently, eyes closing as his hands continued to knead the tension from her shoulders. “Come on, you need to rest. One of us recovering from sleep deprivation is enough.”
Clary had woken up in the middle of the night, luckily without screaming this time. She shook her head and ran her hands through her hair. “Not again,” she mumbled. She got out of her bed and walked to Jace’s room, where she found him wide awake. “Hey,” she spoke, trying not to startle him as she walked over to his bed. “Can’t sleep either?”
Jace heard the latch on his door, but he didn’t look up until he heard the voice. Clary. He turned his head to look at her, giving a half hearted smile. “Not really sleeping much at all these days.” he admitted quietly, scooting over to give her room. “Another nightmare?” he asked. He could recognize the signs in Clary easy enough.
Jace was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling because he coudln’t sleep. His nightmares weren’t from Lilith anymore, but they kept him awake just the same. Little power naps here and there had been keeping him mostly going with the help of his stamina rune and he stared up at nothign and tried to clear his mind so he could sleep, wanting to have just one night of peaceful sleep in the hell that was the aftermath of his possession.
themusechronicles 