one of my favorite things is how badgers and coyotes will hunt cooperatively. as in not just like happening to go after the same thing at the same time but actually combining efforts to bring down prey; coyotes are faster and can chase down prey species, while badgers are adept at digging them out of their burrows
museum curator, watching steve waltz into the smithsonian, the memory of having the stolen cap america authentic howling commando era uniform returned dirty and ridden with bullet holes still fresh in their mind: hide the VALUABLES
steve, reaching over the rope to poke at something on display: it’s my goddamn stuff???
I’M SAYIN’, every single level of management at the Smithsonian must have had an extensively well-documented migraine after dealing with the colossal shitshow raised by such thrilling items as “sock (woolen)” pulled from the pack of one “Rogers, Steve G., 1918 – 1945 lol whoops he’s back″
like i said in my initial reblog… all the people building stories out of this make me laugh with delight, but smithsonian & dc museum people adding their tags give me LIFE
… also steven grant rogers would be KIND and COURTEOUS to the front-line museum staff and not ask them stupid questions and you will pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch
oh steven grant rogers is KIND and POLITE and CONSIDERATE to front-line museum staff, he will politely move himself to the side so he doesn’t cause traffic issues if he gets recognized and a couple kids want pictures, he apologizes to security for causing a scene (he didn’t mean to! he thought his baseball cap disguise would work, bless him). he returns his maps (sweet and so unnecessary but then one of the volunteers can take a map captain america used and will probably sign for them back to their grandkids so that’s nice). the docents LOVE him; he’s both a Nice Young Man and also from Back in Their Day.
the collections and conservation staff however have sworn a blood oath of pure vengeance against him and nothing he ever does will change their minds. the textile conservator (we’ll call her lorraine) who had to restore the old captain america suit spent THREE YEARS OF HER LIFE on that stupid thing and it’s still too unstable to ever exhibit again. lorraine went through FIVE INTERNS, two of whom CRIED ON HER. she had to spend a fourth year making a replica because everyone was writing their representatives that the captain america suit wasn’t on display and they MADE HER DO IT.
like if steve thought any debrief in wwii he ever had sucked lol try lorraine, who has given up trying to catalogue what the fuck happened to that piece of shit suit and finally tracked down his cell phone number after six months of this hell project out of sheer bloody mindness and desperation and tricks him into her office through a series of absolute goddamn lies about idk public programming or some shit that steve might actually care about and then corners him and makes him give her a play by play of what, exactly, the fuck he did to that suit.
cuz, okay, listen. blah blah save the world blah blah, but steven grant rogers* stole a priceless museum artifact, bled on it, set it on fire, dropped it into the potomac, dragged it (WHILE WET) through river mud and god knows how many plants and bugs and microbes, got melting plastic and metal and shrapnel and other people’s body juices and skin and hair embedded in it–the only reason he lives is because he can give the full and accurate account of what the fuck he did to it and answer questions of how the fuck it can be slightly, slightly unfucked. not saved! not made to look like it was! certainly not able to be put on a mannequin and exhibited again! but like she can get some more of the mud and that chunk of charred plastic out maybe. otherwise, lorraine would have murdered that dumb bitch in a fit of justifiable rage, and no amount of charming “sorry ma’am”s would fucking save him.
since halloween is right around the corner, imagine the post-thanos halloween superhero-themed party at the compound:
Tony is wearing a captain america uniform and a t-shirt over it that says “Tony Stark is my Hero”, steve is just in his normal clothes except for his shirt that says “*Stank” in big bold letters, and peter takes a picture of the two standing together, laughing abiut something, and of course it goes viral once he posts it.
Clint is wearing an apron that says “the earth might be closed but the cook’s legs aint” and yellow cleaning gloves, walking around with a broom and a dustpan occasionally yelling the names of the avengers that dusted like “BuckY?? Saaaam? I came to pick you up!”
Natasha is wearing a shirt that says 20/20 and no one understands why until Vision arrives later and she stands next to him dead-silent and everyone loses their fucking minds.
brunhilde came for the free booze, thor is talking to bruce and they’re both dressed as each other and claiming to be ‘the strongest avenger’ in an annoying childish voice.
Sam is claiming to be an eligible goth girlfriend but all he’s wearing is bucky’s red henley and a shitton of eyeliner.
bonus: peter says how he likes bucky’s costume (a full-blown falcon uniform with a huge post it note that says “Pigeon” on his chest) and bucky doesnt respond at first, until he goes “why did you dress up as me” and peter goes “cause youre really cool mr. white wolf” and bucky goes “but im not even a hero” and peter goes “my history textbook and the walmart superhero costume section say otherwise” and the kid just shrugs as if he didnt make bucky’s entire goddamn day.
themusechronicles 