Tag: psa

astronomically-androngynous:

sounddesignerjeans:

princess-mint:

alarajrogers:

niambi:

I’m????

Oh my God this actually explains so much.

So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.

So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.

So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.

This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner. 

So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.

The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.

The next time a guy says, “What? You don’t want to be my friend?” I’ll text him this and then ask if he really wants to be friends or just have another potential girlfriend.

y’all I am living for these analyses where the new way to fight the patriarchy is to teach men to love each other and themselves

Im a communication student and can confirm the above is absolutely 100% accurate and it’s called agentic vs communal friendship theorized by Steven McCornack

not-close-to-straight:

This is your reminder that if someone uses the words “that was a test/I was testing you/you passed” in reference to their weird behavior or to brush off a fight you had with them?

That’s a red flag.

RUN THE OTHER WAY.

If they do something that makes you angry and you react accordingly and they tell you “I was testing you to see how’d you react” they are PURPOSEFULLY baiting you.

If they allow you to think something awful is happening (usually like they are cheating) and you blow up about it and they say “I was checking to see if you are jealous” they are PURPOSEFULLY trying to push your buttons.

If they invade your privacy (checking your phone, sneaking on your computer) and say “I was testing you, you passed, there’s nothing on your phone” when you catch them, they are PURPOSEFULLY going out of their way to find something to pick a fight.

Healthy relationships do not involve partners that manufacture “tests” to check the other partners commitment.

Healthy relationships do not include pushing the other to the edge just to see what they will do.

Healthy relationships DO NOT INCLUDE excusing terrible behavior by saying “I was testing to see if you loved me”

Labeling actions as “this was me forcing you to prove you feel (this way) by making sure you will act the way I think you should” is manipulative at best and can very easy turn abusive in about a million different ways.

Fail their test. Walk away. Leave them to their toxicity.

It’s not worth it.

“Pop quizzes” are for school, not for relationships.

headspacedad:

emotionalmorphine:

Somewhere along the way fanart become worth more than fanfic to fandom.

Artists have Patreon accounts where people pay real money to view their art early or to access special pictures like scraps or tutorials.

Whereas writers are expected to produce more and more, faster, for nothing in return. No one wants to see our “scraps” and writers who do provide Tips and Tricks often get crap for “policing” how people write.

And it falls into the prevailing notion that somehow writing is something easy, something anyone can do.

This isn’t an attack on fanartists. You deserve to receive some sort of compensation and accolades for your work. And so do fanauthors.

Writing fic is hard work. Yes, anyone can type out a story, same as anyone can pick up a pencil to draw, but what makes the difference, what makes a good piece is the experience and talent of an author. It’s all the stories no one saw, it’s all the writing books we’ve read, it’s the classes we have attended, all rolled into a package that works weeks, months, years to bring the fandom their fic. Yes we write for ourselves but we also write to contribute to fandom – just like artists do.

We’re just the same – artists and authors – and we deserve the same respect for our work.

It’s because everyone thinks they can write.

Publish a book.  One of the first and most continuous comments you’ll hear whenever you tell anyone is: ‘Oh! I’ve been meaning to write a book!’.  People use words to talk.  Writing is just putting words down on paper.  Logically, therefore, anyone that can talk, can write.  Ta da!  See?  Writing is something even small children can do.  Obviously it doesn’t take Real Skill.

Except all those people that will tell you they’ve been meaning to write a book? They never will.  Because, fun fact – writing is hard.  Writing is very hard.  Its hard to sit down and focus your mind and string words together on paper in sentence after sentence after sentence.  For hours.  Days.  Months.  Until you finish your short story or poem or book.  Its hard to take what’s in your mind and paint pictures of it but without using actual pictures.  Its hard to come up with interesting ways to say things, with characters that matter to people.  Plotting is hard.  Multiple plots are harder.  Multiple plots with multiple characters all using only words – not voice tone, not hand gestures, not pictures to help people understand what you’re saying – is hardest.   Writing is not talking.  Writing is, in a lot of ways, the stripped down version of talking because you have to do it all on paper without any noise or facial expressions to carry the words.  Telling a story is time consuming and requires you to concentrate even when you’d rather not.  It makes you pull out pieces of your soul and give them to other people, who are probably going to misunderstand them because they’re going to see them through their own soul’s view.  But you still have to find a way to connect so that they’ll still care about what you’re telling them.  And at the end of it – you’ll be exhausted and burned out and exhilarated and excited and scared and happy and sad and

someone is going to look at you and say:

‘oh!  I’ve been meaning to write a book!’.

People know they’re not artists because they can pick up a pencil and quickly see that they don’t have the practice to draw.  Everyone is a writer because writing is word art and everyone knows

they can use words.

mikkeneko:

itspileofgoodthings:

I’m so fascinated by Luke’s arc in The Last Jedi and the negative response to it because the latter reveals so much about the former.

Luke’s true failure is not that he tried to kill his nephew. Because he didn’t. Igniting his saber over Ben “and for the briefest of moments” believing that it’s possible for him to save those he loves from destruction is a moment of weakness, and Luke comes breathtakingly close to falling into the darkness of killing a defenseless boy who up to this point has done nothing wrong. But he doesn’t fall. The moment passes and he doesn’t kill him. He conquers the temptation because he understands the horror of that potential action and wants no part of it. Everyone is right. Luke Skywalker would never and could never kill his nephew. And he doesn’t!! do it!!

Now the tragedy of this (and honestly the reason that so many people interpret this moment as Luke Skywalker’s actual Fall) is that the timing of Luke’s moment of weakness, and even more pertinently the timing of the moment he actually overcomes the temptation of the dark side like the good man that he still is, literally could not have been worse. Ben wakes up, sees his uncle looming over him, (completely understandably) assumes the worst, and responds instantly with violence and passion. The tragedy isn’t that Luke tried to kill his nephew; it’s that his nephew thought he did. The results of this moment for Ben- though founded on an incomplete and skewed understanding of the situation- are the same as if that understanding had been the whole truth. The trauma is as real and and as damaging, the chain of events set in motion by this moment as catastrophically heartbreaking as if Luke really did try to kill his student, his nephew, while he was literally defenseless and sleeping.

But the damage done to Ben Solo by this moment doesn’t change the fact that this moment isn’t actually Luke’s true failure. Luke’s actual fall is that he is so horrified by how close he came to killing his nephew, so appalled by how precariously he teetered right on the edge of the darkness he thought he’d conquered that he retreats, shuts down, shuts himself off from the force, and falls into self-doubt so complete it practically is despair. It is despair. That is Luke Skywalker’s fall- not the fact that he was so horrified by a vision of personal destruction and loss that violence and anger gripped him and urged him to fight back but then ultimately had the strength and the virtue to pull himself back from the edge of that darkness, but the fact that he never allowed that falling into darkness is human. His fall is believing that a moment of darkness that he didn’t and ultimately never intended to act on was as bad as actually committing the crime itself, that it was a fall and corresponding chain of events for which he was wholly responsible. Luke tries to take on responsibility  and guilt that isn’t his, and because he tries to do that he cannot bear the weight of it. It is not his guilt to carry and so of course he cannot bear it. He gives up and retreats. He believes he is the monster that he never actually was.

And the thing that kills me about this whole thing and that I think is brilliant and heartbreaking and frustrating all at once is that the response from (a fairly loud subsection of) the audience to Luke’s arc demonstrates that it is completely reasonable and in character for Luke to fall into this trap of hating himself and doubting himself on the most fundamental level. It is the very fact that so many readings of this movie took Luke’s lightsaber moment with Ben as his tragic flaw- and loudly proclaimed it was out of character because Luke would never!!- that reveals exactly why Luke actually fell into such despair and self-doubt. Luke and the audience make the same mistake. Luke knows how “out of character” this moment of darkness was, so out of character that he cannot even bring himself to believe that he didn’t actually do it (even though he didn’t actually do it!). A man who kills his nephew in his sleep is so far from the man Luke Skywalker believed himself to be that the horror of coming so close to becoming that man rocked him to his very foundation. The reaction to Luke’s arc for many star wars fans was the impassioned conviction that it had ruined Luke’s character because it ignored and betrayed the very thing that Luke Skywalker would never do. But the arc doesn’t ignore this fact; it is built on it. It rests solidly on the foundation of what Luke would never do and it is that very reality which catapults Luke into his actual and tragic failure in this movie- the failure to forgive and trust himself for experiencing- and briefly but not ultimately giving into true and powerful temptation.

There is a reason that Luke’s reintegration with the Force and with his family, the restoration of his self-confidence and his hope takes the entire movie. Every cry that Rian Johnson committed character assassination and ruined countless childhoods brilliantly illuminates why. If large sections of the audience cannot watch Luke Skywalker contemplate a wicked act for “the briefest of moments” without being overcome with a horror so strong it doesn’t even let them see the moment where the darkness passes and the light and goodness triumph, why would the man himself be able to? Why would his confrontation with the darkness and the knowledge that he was a flicker away from falling into the abyss- coupled with the fact that he had to watch the consequences of a crime he did not commit play out anyway- not shake him to his core and destroy him so completely that he can’t help but convince himself that he did in fact do the thing he would never do? For every cry of “Luke Skywalker would never!” Luke himself had to face that same reality and when he realized that he almost did the thing he would never do, of course he broke down and wondered “If Luke Skywalker would never, then who am I now? Because I almost did.”

@capriceandwhimsy

thechronicchillpill:

Hypervigilance can cause fatigue guys. PTSD can cause fatigue, anxiety and depression can cause fatigue, Bipolar can cause fatigue, any and all mental illnesses can.

Please understand if youre mentally ill and physically or emotionally fatigued, that is not you being lazy! It is your body and brain being tired of fighting your illness! You are tired because youve been fighting.

This struggle you are going through is real, please do not let yourself or anyone invalidate you further by saying youre lazy.

jaywasablindpirate:

the-queen-of-angsts:

xhangryx:

powerliftingpinay:

iwillfightu:

drained of blood, the heart is white

woah

No, that is NOT what this is. You’ve taken an amazing medical invention, a total game changer, and made up some stupid, faux-deep sentence fragment for it that is a complete falsehood. You should be embarrassed and ashamed, honestly.

This is a ghost heart. What they’ve done is taken a pig heart and stripped it down to, basically, a cell framework that they can use to BUILD A NEW HEART UPON. You could inject stem cells into this framework so that a newly formed personalized heart can be transplanted into a donor with a significantly reduced chance of rejection. FUCKING AMAZING. It’s not been done with human tissue yet, but the promise this given to people who need hearts – or kidneys or livers or whatever – is beautiful. Science is beautiful.

And it’s IMPERATIVE to mention that a woman, Doris Taylor, at the Texas Heart Institute developed this. And she started with a rat heart and worked up to he bigger, more complex (and more human) pig heart. What a total bad ass.

So look, quit making shit up, learn to do a reverse image search on stuff you find on the internet, and STOP ERASING WOMEN IN SCIENCE.

Reblogging for:

  • The corrected information
  • WOMEN IN SCIENCE
  • The fact that rejection rate would be LESS which is VITAL

this is really interesting

I’m not transphobic but there’s no way the transgendered peter parker headcanon would work in the way of physical appearance, there’s no way a trans guy could every achieve the muscles that are required of Spider-Man or any superhero. I’m not transphobic, but you trans guys will always have feminine builds and it isn’t realistic for you to say that transgenders could look like buff superheroes or even just strong men. Sorry.

passivesunflower:

one-million-people:

dannydmjm:

transpeter-deactivated20180411:

okay putting aside the fact that you are blatantly transphobic despite how much you say “i’m not transphobic” and also putting aside the fact that while peter parker does develop muscle definition he is still known for being very small and lean even after being bitten by the spider, let’s just take a look at some trans guys who will never be able to have the physique of superheroes or of strong men in general:

and that’s just a few of the many trans guys in this world, some of which are fat, or skinny, or curvy, or muscular as fuck – you know, like any other human being. can cis people stop acting like they know shit about what trans people look like.

Drag his sorry ass

“Its not realistic” its a story of a man being bitten by a spider and then he becomes half spider lol

“im not racist but”

dxtective:

guYS IF WE’RE MUTUALS AND YOUR MUSE RANDOMLY WANTS TO TALK TO MINE, TAG. ME. IN. A. STARTER. I WILL REPLY BECAUSE I LOVE RANDOM STARTERS AND CUTE SHIT AND JUST MY MUSE BEING THROWN IN A SITUATION WHERE THEY’RE LIKE “WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?!?! WHO THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?!?! WHY THE FUCK ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!” BECAUSE ITS THE BEST THING EVER. So yknow yeah. Tag me in shit.