[Image description: a twitter thread by user Erryn Brook. It reads as follows, spread out over several texts: “I want to tell you a story about how my mum taught me that I’m allowed to leave an uncomfortable situation.
I was maybe 7, I think it was my first sleepover at someone else’s house. I don’t remember the girl’s name. But before I left Mum told me that if I was uncomfortable at any point, for any reason, even if it was in the middle of the night, I could call her.
She was very clear. She said even if her parents have gone to bed I want you to knock on their bedroom door and ask to use the phone. I could call her even if it was late. And if her parents didn’t answer the door to just go find the phone and call her anyway.
She said it doesn’t matter what time it is, you won’t be in trouble and I’ll come get you.
I think I was being teased about something. It definitely wasn’t just I can’t sleep, there was something social going on. But that’s what I did.
The girl’s mom tried to discourage me. She said it was late, I said my mum didn’t care. She said I could sleep on the couch. I said I wanted to go home. She said I was upsetting her daughter, I said she was mean to me.
I remember holding the phone and my mum answered. I said “hi Mum.” She said “you want me to come get you?” I said “yes please.” She said “ask her Mum to help you pack up your things and get your coat on. I’ll be right there.”
And my mum showed up on her doorstep in pajama pants and a coat. The girl’s mum kept apologizing for me calling, my mum put up a hand and said “don’t apologize for my daughter. I want her to know she’s allowed to leave and I’ll be there for her at any time.”
I remember the little crowd of sleepover girls huddled in the far doorway that led to the bedrooms, watching all of this confused and silent. And I remember that mom apologizing. She didn’t seem to know what to say after my mum asked her to stop.
I had more incidents like that as I grew up. My mum did a lot around boundaries with me. I remember her marching me down the street to another girl’s house to ask for an apology in front of her parents.
I remember her telling 3 friends to sit in the front room with their bags packed while they waited for their parents to come get them, after I had told them all to “get out of my house” for teasing me and bullying me.
I remember her coaching me through a speech on how to resign and leave from a hostile work environment when I was in the middle of nowhere at a camp for the summer, and she offered money to get a cab to pick me and my friends up.
I can’t say I’ve always followed my gut on boundaries and discomfort. I can’t say I’ve never swallowed it in order to make others comfortable. But I can say what she taught me was important. It was and still is radical.
It’s radical to have boundaries. And to exercise them. Three things I think were really really important in what she did:
1. She always explicitly said “you can leave if you want to.”
2. She never questioned why, or whether I was overreacting.
3. She showed up.
But I think a lot about the girl’s mum apologizing and how… that’s the norm, actually. What my mum taught me was radical, what that girl’s mum was teaching was the norm. “Just deal with it, don’t trouble anyone, go back to sleep, it’ll be over soon, don’t ruin it.”
And I still get that message from a lot of places. But my mum taught me that I’m allowed to leave.
I see what a privilege that is as an adult. For some people, for some situations, there is no way out. But sometimes, also, we don’t leave because we think we’re not allowed.
So, just in case no one ever told you (or you need a reminder): YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LEAVE.
You can leave a date, a party, a job, a meeting, a commitment. You are allowed. If you’re worried about keeping your word remember that your boundaries are also your word, your integrity.
I wanted to tell this story because the message to stay to make others comfortable is so pervasive, that without actively teaching me that I’m allowed to leave, that’s what I would’ve absorbed.
Hell, I absorbed a lot of it anyway. As an adult, at that camp job, I remember her on the phone saying “what do you want to do?” And not knowing, until she said “do you want to leave?” And I said “can I?” She said “You can always leave. What do you need so you can leave?”
So, if you’re a person like me, who was taught that you’re allowed to leave, keep an eye out for those who weren’t. They may need the reminder. They may need to hear that it’s okay. They may need help. And keep telling yourself that you are allowed. You’re allowed to leave.
Wow this is really taking off! Before it goes too far I wanted to say: I’m seeing this being gendered and while I am a woman and my mother is a woman there’s no gender on this message. I understand the impulse to teach your daughters this but please teach all children.” /end ID]
I wonder when exactly it was that Star Trek stopped being perceived as light, fluffy, not-really-legitimate sci fi that ~housewives~ liked and started being seen as serious nerd business that girls had to keep their gross cooties off.
Also when did the Beatles start to be remembered as rock legends rather than a silly boy band teenaged girls liked?
When men decided they liked them.
this is seriously exactly how it happened. Women were actually the first rock and roll ‘critics’ because they would write in to women’s papers and magazines to share and discuss what their kids were listening to when men still thought it was trashy teeny bopper music. once it became a lucrative, mainstream genre men shoved women out of the space. Men also tend to be gatekeepers once they move into formerly female spaces – early trek fandom was incredibly open and inclusive; women would set up fan get togethers in their own houses to discuss the show or invite the actors to visit before conventions became a thing, and then were huge in organizing the first conventions – but now the stereotype of a trekkie is a nerdy white dude who scoffs derisively at casual fans and newbies with his encyclopedic and pedantic knowledge of trek
I propose we call this “mentrification”
YES
I want an asshole with bleached hair and tattoos to mentrify cleaning house so that men get together and talk about which homemade artisan fermented essential oil spray they use on their oak table versus the pine bookshelves, and send the women out to the patio to drink mai tais while they talk shop about Real Things That Matter like which Dyson is the best for goldfish crumbs
idk how you watch catws and not pick up on the fact that sam is absolutely a mirror of steve… they even straight up say it in the film.
“I do what he does, just slower”
okay we gonna do this because Sam is a reckless motherfucker that absolutely mirrors Steve’s characterization and i’m goddamn tired of people grossly misinterpreting his character b/c it fits in better with their two dimensional therapy dog version of him
Sam doesn’t like taking orders, he’s not pliant or obedient. He does what he believes is right and damn the rules (sound familiar??). Theres a reason they fucking hit it off so well right from the start.
Following that we have Steve turning up on his doorstep looking like a building got dropped on him. And what does Sam do?
Yeah sure… I’ll let a couple of avengers who just told me everybody is out to kill them into my house. Sounds like a good time. It’s also a bit telling that Sam knows exactly where his suit is. Ten bucks says he’s actually tried to steal it before but couldn’t quite manage it on his own.
And then we start getting into really no holds bar Sam:
Y’all like to forget Sam brought a two inch knife to a gun fight and won. Not to mention, he clearly walks around with a knife on him at all times… not just in his car, but on his person.
Sam gives no fucks and will take you out. Winter soldier? Bitch try it
Some hydra fool who won’t stop talking Nazi nonsense?
Fuck this guy. he’ll take him on in nothing but a fucking t-shirt.
Oh and remember that building that Steve jumped out of? Might as well top that by jumping out of the same one, just about 20 stories up.
Cool, cool, cool.
Going feet first towards the rotor blades of a helicopter, knowing if you miss your legs are mulch?
No problem.
Steve wants to track down an international maybe still brainwashed assassin?
When do we start?
And of course, this wouldn’t be complete without the penultimate Steve/Sam comparison.
So to everyone who trashes him, or does him a disservice by making him out to be nothing more than a therapist who can fix Bucky and Steve I have one thing to say. In the immortal words of the legend Samuel Thomas Wilson himself, “Man, shut the hell up.”
IN THIS HOUSE, WE APPRECIATE AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE REAL SAM WILSON
Alright, I need a some help. I have a muse who’s not shippable in any sort of long-term way. Who can’t handle a real relationship and, frankly, doesn’t necessarily want one. More comfortable with casual sex than anything lasting or meaningful, but I always feel bad about it, because shipping is so important in the RPC.
I’d really love it if folks would reblog this if they’re comfortable with writing casual sexual encounters that don’t have to lead to a fluffy, romantic relationship. ❤
Dr. Willie Parker, who is trained as a gynecologist and OBGYN, is a hero for the pro-choice movement because he’s honest about the undiscussed aspects of getting (or not getting) an abortion. Watch how he gives a consultation.
That last statement about regret is so important, because so many people don’t understand what it is or what causes it. Anti-choicers exploit this by manipulating pregnant people and creating doubt, which only increases the likelihood of regret, no matter what decision the pregnant person makes. You know what is best for you, even if it takes some time to figure it out.
PSA ;; Please never expect me to respond quickly to anything ever. Whether or not it’s a thread, it’s an ask, it’s a meme — whether or not I responded quickly the time before — whether or not I’m online — etc, etc, etc. I promise I’m not ignoring you, I promise I’m doing my best. I have tons of responsibilities not related to Tumblr, && I also need to eat && sleep && sometimes I’m just not emotionally game. It’s not because I don’t like you, it’s not because I don’t want to do the thing, it’s because I’m human. Thank you!
themusechronicles 